It's HERE!

I can’t believe that Christmas is already here! It feels like summer was just yesterday! Time has gone by way too fast. This year money has been so tight as it is for everyone at this time of year so it’s been a little hard for me to look forward to Christmas. Of course I have been excited for Mason because he finally understands Christmas a little bit. Ever since Christmas tree’s starting going up all he says is “ho ho ho”. He can’t stop saying “ho ho ho”. He has to touch our blow up snow man every night that we come home and give him a kiss. When we were leaving our house the other day he said “bye ho ho….pause….and friends”. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard! He is the cutest kid I’ve ever known…Biased I know but that’s because he is mine! Last night proved what a spoiled child I have!! I took him over to my boss’s to get his Christmas present from them. He is really into planes and they have them all over their house so of course that is what they got him. He was so excited to see his gift and to play with it. However he was not excited to share it with anyone, including her husband!! Her husband was trying to play with him & he was not willing to let him play too. We have got to keep him interacting with other kids! If he isn’t even willing to let an adult play with his toys then he will never share his toys with another child. He kept telling her husband to go sit in his chair! Then when he wouldn’t he laid on the ground kicking & screaming! I tried putting him in time out, telling him that Santa wouldn’t come but he didn’t care one bit. It went in one ear and out the other. It’s funny how our kids can totally embarrass at the times when things are supposed to be special. It’s just a good thing that it was at their house and not some strangers. They love him to death regardless but they have NEVER seen him act like that. Let’s hope tomorrow when he wakes up and Santa has been there he doesn’t act like the cute spoiled brat that he is!

PicTure day!

ThAnKsGiViNg 2008

Well Thanksgiving went rather well considering all the running around we had to do & Mason was a trooper. We started out the day at my brothers. We didn't get to eat with them but I did get to see my Aunt & cousin that I haven't seen in 3 years. It's my dad's only sister! Then I got to briefly see my Uncle as well. It was really good to see them. It reminded me that I need to start keeping in touch with them. I've always feared people but I'm an adult now & they are my family!! Mason got to play with his cousins, Kaden & Karson. He had so much fun. There is a year between him & Karson but finally they are getting older so they are understanding each other a little bit more. It was tender to watch them play together. Then we headed off to Mike's moms and ate some yummy turkey of course!! After that I headed over to a friends, my new adoptive moms with Mason. We visited with all their family & again Mason got to play. He loves going over there! He is obsessed with all the planes in their house because her husband is retired military so they got him some planes to play with. Amazing what a little plane can do for a child. He was in heaven! I'm so lucky to have their family in my life & take me on as an adoptee. I've always needed a mother figure in my life & now I have got one!! YAY! Sorry, no pictures were taken as Mike forgot the camera!!

Just an F.Y.I....

To the right you can see that I have added a separate blog site for myself. This is my venting blog for myself as I'd like to keep this one about our family & Mason!! I'll be keeping the other private so if you want to be added just let me know! Love ya all...

I'm still slightly alive

So I have been doing a lot of ranting on my blog lately! It probably sounds as if I’m going insane however I’m only slightly insane at this point! I don’t want to alarm anyone however blogging gives me a way to vent & a way to get some good feedback. I’m definitely having a midlife crisis but I’m going to make it through this! With lots of prayers & support! Thank you ALL for ALL your support. It really means a lot to me. It is what helps me go on another day…I will make it through this tough time in my life!! Thank you to EVERYONE!!

I AM DONE!!

Frustration, frustration, frustration! For years I’ve asked myself why I rely on people so much & trust that what they say they are going to do they will do? At my ripe age of 28, I should have learned NOT to count on people because usually they only let me down. Maybe my expectations are too high but I don't see that I expect too much. Just a little courtesy would be nice. They say they will call but they never call, they say they will see you soon but they never do, they claim that things are fine but things are NOT fine! I ALWAYS set myself up to always be let down. I shouldn’t expect things just because people promise them. In this difficult situation a person in my life who I consider a teacher, an inspiration & a true friend has let me down AGAIN. This has continually happened throughout our friendship so why do I even try to stay friends with this person? Because I am so DAMN insecure I think I need this person in my life when obviously I don’t because they only cause me pain & anger. Why do I find it okay to put myself in hurtful friendships? It’s NOT okay! Ugh…I’m letting go of this person. I don’t need them in my life. I am a good person & I deserve to be treated with RESPECT!

Help me...

Lord I want to love you, yet I’m not sure.
I want to trust you, yet I’m afraid of being taken in.
I know I need you, but I’m ashamed of the need,
I want to pray, but I’m afraid of being a hypocrite.
I need my independence, yet I fear to be alone.
I want to belong, yet I must be myself.
Take me, Lord, yet leave me alone.
Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief.
O, Lord, if you are there, you do understand, don’t you?
Give me what I need, but leave me free to choose.
Help me work it out my own way, but don’t let me go.
Let me understand myself, but don’t let me despair.
Come unto me, O Lord, I want you there.
Lighten my darkness, but don’t dazzle me.
Help me to see what I need to do, and give me
The strength to do it.O Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief

Summer Vacation!

As some of you know I had a little of a summer vacation! Ok, I wouldn't call it a vacation but it was a great oppurtunity to get to know myself. I spent some time at a beautiful cabin in the mountains & with absolutely beautiful people that taught me more than I ever thought I could learn! I made wonderful friends, friends that will last a lifetime! They are like family now to me & I love each & every one of them!! We even did some fishing & the lakes were BEAUTIFUL! Here's just a few pictures from my vacation.

***HaLlOwEen 2008***

Well Halloween wasn't quite what we would have expected!! Mason decided that he didn't need a nap that day so by the time we tried to take him trick or treating, he chose to throw a tantrum instead of trick or treat!! The whole neighborhood could hear him screaming. He wanted to just go in people's yards & kiss all their decorations instead of get candy. As you can see by his poor face, he looks tortured!! But he was a good sport & loved his monkey costume but he just didn't want to do the dirty work to get his candy...

GIVE IT BACK

You consume my life,
My every thought,
My every move,
Why are you doing this?
You have nothing to prove-
You have only proved you can
Steal someone’s soul-
You have left me empty,
You have left me with nothing but a hole-
A hole in my heart-
A hole in my mind-
I thought you were the friend
I needed to find-
You betrayed me, you took
The best of me-
Now I want it back,
I want to be free-
Free of your confusion,
Free of your hurt-
Free of your control-
Damn it, I’m begging you please
Give me back my soul-

Numb....

I can't understand the facts of life that are laid so perfectly in front of me. I'm contanstly fighting the battle & trying to control things in my life that are NOT controllable. I'm forgetting to turn them over to a power greater than myself. That power is who I choose to call God. Why can't I understand that if I just turn my self will & life over to him, he will do what's right for me. It's such an easy concept but yet so hard to do. I cannot control people, places or things but yet I still continue to try. Dwelling on the person, situation or place instead of just controlling my feelings & changing the way I'm thinking about the situation. UGH, so frustrating! I just want to let it all go. Turn my burdens over to something greater than myself so that I don't have to carry all the weight alone. I've carried my weight alone for way too long so "just for today" I will trust in God to do what's right for me & not my self will...

Another day in the fast lane...

Currently I’m living a life in the fast lane & forgetting to live in the moment & appreciate what’s going on around me right now, so my prayer of the day hit me hard. I can’t slow down for a minute. My mind feels it needs to stay busy all the time & considering what I’m going through right now, staying busy is all that’s keeping me from insanity. And of course Mason keeps me sane! He reminds me everyday of what I am living for since so often I forget what my purpose is here on earth. He is my life…I’m so thankful God trusted me enough with one of his children to raise…he is my child as much as he is a child of God. Okay, before I get all spiritual, here it is:

Lord, slow me down.
Ease the pounding of my heart by quieting my mind.
Steady my hurried pace. Give me, in the confusion of my day,
The calmness of everlasting hills. Break the tension of my nerves
And muscles. Help me to know the magical, restoring power of sleep.
Teach me to take minutes vacations by slowing down to look at
A flower or a could, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog , to read
A few lines from a good book. Remind me that the race is not
Always to the swift, that there is more to life than increasing speed.

Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak and
Know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well.

Lord, slow me down. Inspire me to send my roots deep into the soul
Of life’s enduring values that I may grow toward the starts of my great destiny!!

A little uplifting...

EVERY DAY I READ A PRAYER FROM A PRAYER BOOK SO TODAY I THOUGHT I’D SHARE SINCE I HAVEN’T BLOGGED LATELY!!

Teach me, God, so that I might know
The way to change and the way to grow.
Give me the words to ask you how
To handle the here and live in the now.
Tempt me not with the valleys of death,
Give me freedom from fear in every breath.
And though mistakes I make in my daily life,
Deliver from aiding strife.
Understand me, God, as I am no
And show me the furrows I need to plow
To reach my goal as a ripening food,
So I might feed others all that is good.
Fill me with energy known as the Power,
Until I come to rest at the midnight hour.

Playday at Rob's!!

Mamma n' Mason, My lil' swimmer boy eating chips in the pool & Mr. Chocolate face all in one day!

Mason's a Dog

Mason has a new obsession with our dog's cage! So he's officially our new pet...however yesterday he decided to get in there with the dog while her food was in there....NOT A GOOD IDEA. She is territorial about her food so needless to say Freckles bit his poor little hand. Lucky for us there was barely a mark. ;)

THE BALLOON FESTIVAL!!

Well Saturday night we spent the night at the balloon festival! We headed up to Eden with Jan & Jeff(Mason's best friend). Mason had been cranky ALL day long, literally throwing tantrum after trantrum so we figured he was going to be a real "treat" up at the festival but we took our chances anyway! Once we go there was ate some dinner while Mason continued his tantrums however we just ignored him & Jeff started to FULLY entertain him & he calmed down...his butt should've napped like I told him to but he was NOT willing to take a nap. Anyway, they ended up cancelling the launch of the balloons due to the wind but they did blow them up & light them up. They were extremely cool to watch light up. I wish the darker balloons would've been as cool as the lighter ones! Needless to say Mason loved watching them light up & he never would've known the difference in them launching or lighting up! It was a great night out with Jan & Jeff. Mason loves them to death!! So another wonderful summer night...

Visiting Grandpa & Uncle Brant

Well on Sunday I decided it was time to take Mason to visit Grandpa & Uncle Brant. Of course we had to visit them in the ground but having somewhere to visit them at all means the world to me. I haven’t visited in a VERY LONG time but I used to spend so much time there just talking to them. Mason doesn’t quite understand what a Grandpa is yet nor is he even close to knowing why he doesn’t have one on either side of his family but as soon as he is old enough I will explain it all to him. So we sat at the cemetery while Mason ate his lunch and he even tried to give his toy to Grandpa & Uncle Brant. It was the cutest thing ever. He also danced around on their headstone! Ha ha! As we started to leave he looked over at the tree that we planted when my brother died & said bye as he was waving. It makes me so sad that he never had the chance to meet my brother and my Dad but I will tell him all the stories about how crazy they were, how loving they both were and all the good memories I have of them. He will know who Grandpa & Uncle Brant is(was).

A day on the Front Runner & to Gateway

What a great Saturday...we decided to take Mason on the Front Runner to gateway since he loves trains so much...we had the pleasure of going with my boss & her husband. When we first got on the train Mason was extremely nervous but he put on a brave face. He actually wanted nothing to do with Mom & Dad, he just wanted Jeff & Jan. So he spent the train ride there clenched to Jan & watchin gout the window. When we got to gateway we walked a bit & then took Mason to run through the water. He was HILARIOUS! Of course he was a bit aprehensive at first considering he couldn't figure out where the water was coming from & it scared him a bit but once he figured it out he was having a ball. I have offically diagonsed him with OCD. Before going into the water I just put on his swim suit over a regular diaper, however he was having none of that. He knew something was wrong & wanted his Lil' Swimmer diaper on immediately or he was NOT going in the water. After playing in the water we headed back to the train where him & his new best friend Jeff played like 2 year olds but Jeff of course isn't 2. ;) Mason was completely worn out but he never shut down the whole train ride home thanks to Jeff. Once we got home to our station it was off to Jeff & Jan's for some grubbin'. Mason immediately fell asleep in the car. Once we got back to Jeff & Jan's we let him sleep on the floor while we prepared to eat...eventually he woke up & immediately wanted his new best friend. He only wanted Jeff to feed him his hot dog & his hot dog bun!! I've officially made Jan & Jeff adopt me as a new child so along with the package comes their new adopted Grandson...whether they like it or not, so Mason has a permanent playmate, Jeff...and since one of his Grandpa's is in heaven & the other is non-existent, he now has one he can claim if he'd like!! Thank you Jeff & Jan for a wonderful day & loving Mason ALL DAY LONG!

Kenlee's 1st B-Day

Well Mason's cousin Kenlee has now just turned one! It was a great day spent with our family! Mason & cousin Kiara played in the pool...Mason still hates getting his face wet...we had to help him down the slide as he can't do it alone yet but he sure thinks he can!! Soon enough he'll be able to do it all alone...he's growing up way too fast!

HAIR HELP!

Ok, I need some serious help here…do I cut my hair? Do I keep it long? Do I keep it brown with highlights? Do I dye it all brown or dye it all blonde? HELP ME! I tried to pick pictures of all short & long lengths I've had along with blonde & brown….so piece them together and HELP!