The Merrill's!!

My Sister in Law a.k.a Aunt Queenie & Uncle Jam get married

2010-07-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

My UNSMILING hubby and I:

The beautiful RING BEARER & his Mamma:

Mason:

Mike's cousin Tony & Mikey:

My mother in law, Mason & the beautiful BRIDE:

The BRIDE and GROOM:

Mason & Jeffrey Dutcher:

Our little happy family:

Mason & his best friend Jaylee(THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWER GIRL):

Mr. Ring Bearer getting ready:

On June 26th Mike's sister Kristen, my beautiful sister in law finally married her boyfriend of many years! His name is Jeffrey Dutcher! Mike got to walk his sister down the isle with his mom, Mason got to be the ring bearer and I was a bridesmaid. It was a gorgeous wedding and Mike's sister did a wonderful job planning it! She also picked out a great husband and we are so happy for them both!

A day fishing and a to the zoo

2010-07-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

I THINK WE RODE THIS A FEW TIMES TOO MANY:

HE STILL HATES PICTURES:

MASON & CUTE PAYTON:

MASON'S FIRST TIME FISHING:

We took Mason fishing for his first time. At first he was excited and couldn't wait to go. However when we got there he was only excited to throw rocks! He lasted about 15 minutes and then he didn't care to fish anymore…typical 4 year old.

Then we took him out with our close friends for a day at the Zoo. We hadn't taken him to the zoo in a couple years…Actually the last time we went was in 2007, exactly a year before I got sober! So Mike wanted to forget that trip for the rest of his life and only remember any trips after that. HA HA! Thanks Mike….but we had a blast with Lindsay, Jake, Kaysen, Payton and Kiyah. Although I do have to say that our zoo looks HORRIBLE! They really need to work on that place...

Mason turns 4

2010-07-07T08:19:00.001-07:00

THE MAS MAN:

WESTON:

MASON'S BEST FRIEND JAYLEE:

LITTLE MS. KIYAH:

Wow, where has 4 years gone? Mason is an amazing 4 year old little boy. He is smart, funny and TOTALLY DRAMATIC! He is just like his mamma. Mason still spends each day with his Grandma and he loves every minute of it. This fall he will start soccer and he can't wait to kick the ball, win the game, get a trophy and as he also says, kick the other kids. Don't worry, we won't let him kick anybody on purpose! He is the best little boy and we love him dearly!

Heidi's Baby Shower

2010-05-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

On May 1st we had a baby shower for soon to be parents Heidi(whitley) and Ron Butler. They are due to welcome their baby boy into this world on May 21st. They have waited a long time for this miracle to come along and we are all so excited for them!! It was a great shower shared with a couple GORGEOUS old faces I hadn’t seen in years. It was fun catching up with everyone and celebrating with Heidi & Ron. We took bets on when baby boy Butler will be born, I’m shooting for May 19!! Love ya Heidi and Ron.

Mason's 1st Bike Ride

2010-04-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

My mom got Mason his first bike for Christmas!! Well needless to say, he still needs to learn a lot of coordination in order to ride it. He sure looked cute on it, but he couldn't figure out how to push the peddles hard enough to make go, go, go. But again, he looked cute on it and loves it!!

Dinosaur Park

2010-04-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

The weekend after Easter Mike, his friends and his family all went to the Sand Dunes which left Mason and I home alone. The reason we were left behind is probably pretty obvious for most who know me! I used to love the sand dunes, but for all the wrong reasons! I didn't go to ride, I went to drink and party!! Well since I don't do either of those anymore, we figure it's best that I don't go on those trips anymore. And as long as we can protect Mason from being around drinking because alcoholism is so prominant in the family, then we will keep him away from it until he is old enough to understand! I was not a good mom prior to getting sober. I mean, yes I did my motherly duties, but alcohol always took priority!! But not anymore! So it was very nice to spend some one on one time with Mason. These are the little things that I didn't do before...and it's the little things in life that matter the most! I LOVE MY LITTLE MAN!!

Easter 2010

2010-04-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

Mason had a blast this Easter! We kept Easter a lot more simple than we have in the past. We figure that he doesn't need to be SPOILED every single holiday!! And he didn't even know the difference, he loved it anyways! We QUICKLY colored some eggs, which of course he loved doing. Then Easter morning he woke up to his baskets and all he could say was "mom, this is so amazing". Ha ha, his vocabulary is getting funnier by the day. Then after he got what the Easter bunny brought him, it was off to church. That day at church he got to learn about Jesus Christ, he came home and told me all about Jesus, the cross and then he went on to tell me how Jesus had thorns on his head with lots of blood everywhere....Um, I am positive his teachers at church didn't tell him that, but looks like the kid has got a good imagination and figured out what happens when there are thorns on your head!!

Marianne's 30th B-Day Dinner

2010-03-03T14:04:00.000-08:00

Yummy food and great friends celebrating Marianne's 30th B-Day!! Love my GIRL'S!!

International Women's AA Conference

2010-02-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

MY SPONSOR AND MY ROCK:

MY SPONSOR, HER SPONSOR AND HER SPONSOR'S SPONSOR - CONFUSING HUH??

EMERIL'S - IT WAS SO YUMMY:

TERESA AND I:

JUST ME:

DISNEYWORLD:

EPCOT:

NORWAY BECAUSE I'M NORWEGIAN:

CAN'T FORGET MICKEY:

LOOKING OUT MY HOTEL WINDOW:

On February 10th-14th, I had the pleasure of attending the International Women’s AA conference in Orlando, FL with my wonderful sponsor who is my ROCK and my personal confidant. It’s a conference for women only who are all Alcoholic’s!! What an amazing event. I was able to attend last year’s conference as well because it was held in Salt Lake City, which will probably NEVER happen again as next year the conference will be held in Alaska. BRRR!! But over 1,500 women attended this year’s conference in Orlando. We attended several panel meetings where they would have a topic and 3 women would speak on that topic. Then each night they had one main speaker. Each speaker was absolutely amazing! Their stories were heart wrenching, not only because what they each went through however because when I would listen to their stories, I knew that was me too. I am not ashamed anymore to say that I am an alcoholic because I am a sober alcoholic. Most people just don’t understand what an alcoholic is. Alcoholism is a disease and a deadly one. Deadly not only in the physical form however more deadly emotionally and mentally! The disease of alcoholism took ALMOST everything from me. It took my heart, my soul and my mind which have now been restored. I’m no longer shameful and full of guilt. I have self confidence that I never had before because alcohol robbed me of all self confidence and self worth. I am so blessed to be sober and even MORE blessed that I have a family who stood beside me 100% through my alcoholism and into sobriety. Mike and Mason didn’t deserve a mother and wife who is an alcoholic however now they have a sober Mom and wife. I am so lucky that Mike stuck beside me!! I have no clue how he put up with me through my drinking, he wanted me sober however he knew that I had to be ready. I will never forget the day that I made up my mind to go to rehab. The feelings I felt that day were HORRIFIC and I never want to feel that way again! The day that I walked into rehab, I was hopeless with NO feelings left. I had forgotten how to even cry. Now I get to feel again! I get to see things in a light that I’ve never seen them before. This has been a hard journey, a journey I will have to work on for the rest of my life. But today I can say “bring it on”. I can fight anything because of the program of Alcoholic’s Anonymous!!

Oh and YES WE GOT TO GO TO DISNEYWORLD!! However it was really hard to enjoy because needless to say Orlando was FREEZING! It was just as cold there as it was in Utah. Maybe even colder because of the humidity! But I tried to take in what I could at Disneyworld. We didn’t get to see all of it because we had limited time. We had to make it back for the BIG BIG speaker on Saturday night. Now that’s committed…I had to pay 140 bucks to go to Disneyworld and not even get to see it all because I knew I needed to be at the conference!!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-31T09:34:00.001-08:00

The 3 grandkids: Mason n' Mamma:

Cheese:

Santa's Helper:

The in laws:

Mason n' Mamma:Come on and smile:

Mikey and me:

Our family of 3:

Wow, I can’t believe that Christmas has come and gone!! We had a wonderful holiday!! This year wasn’t much different from our Christmas’s in the past however it was a little different. It seems that this year we are closer as a family than we have ever been. This year has had its fair share of up’s and down’s. There were so many times that I just wanted to give up, but I didn’t. I just kept trucking along and trying to do the next right thing!! And we made it through all the up’s and down’s which has brought our little family of 3 closer together! I am so grateful for my family and really looking forward to a fresh new year!!

So on Christmas Eve we went to Mike’s aunts and uncle’s just like we do every year. It was the first year we didn’t stay until 1 in the morning. I guess we’re getting old because we had to retire early this year plus Mason is much of a night owl so we wanted to get him home and in bed so that Santa could come visit our house. Which indeed he did and Mason was spoiled. He was so excited to wake up to all his presents!! He was really excited opening about the first 2 and after that he was already tired of unwrapping things. He’d open one present and want the toy out of the box immediately instead of wanting to open another gift!! After we opened presents at our house we went to Mike’s mom’s where Mason was spoiled again. After Mike’s mom’s and some yummy breakfast we headed down to my mom’s. Again, Mason was spoiled. It was so nice to see my family! We only live 45 minutes away from each other, yet we barely get down there to see them anymore. After my mom’s it’s been a tradition to go to my brother’s for dinner, but this year we skipped his house and went to my adopted parents as I call them. By the time we got there, Mason didn’t even want to open his present from them! What child gets tired of opening presents?

Now it's off to the new year! YIPPEE!!

Christmas Parade

2009-12-09T15:28:00.000-08:00

So we watched the Ogden Christmas Parade! It was nothing too exciting and it was absolutely freezing, so you can see that I was trying to dress like an eskimo!! Mason enjoyed about the first 5 minutes of it, then he has pretty much had enough, but it was fun to spend time as a family celebrating the Christmas season!!

Summit Lodge Christmas

2009-12-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

Lori, Me and MY WONDERFUL SPONSOR:

So this isn’t something that I go around announcing however at this point in my life I am very proud of my accomplishment…so as some of you know I went into rehab on June 24, 2008 for alcohol. Yes, Brittany became an alcoholic. What a surprise?? However this last weekend I had the pleasure of visiting the rehab I went through called Summit Lodge in Fairview, UT. We had our alumni Christmas Party that I had to plan, which was a total disaster to plan however it turned out rather nice! It was bitter sweet to visit Summit again. I was extremely nervous going up there because I was worried about the memories that it might bring back to me. Going into rehab was the hardest decision in my life up to this point however it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Summit truly saved my life!! We got to sit with the residents and share our stories about our own recovery. It was also so sad to see the residents there, knowing what they are going to go through when they leave Summit. While you are there you are so safe and as soon as you leave you are back into reality without anyone to babysit you to keep you sober. After you leave, it’s up to you to keep yourself sober. I never thought I had the strength and courage to get sober and here I am 17 months down the road and still going strong! Recovery has made me a whole new person. I finally appreciate the small things in life. I have learned to not worry about the future and to try and just live the present moment. I have gained amazing relationships with people that I never had before, including my relationship with God and my inner self. I finally know who I am and what I want in life. I have learned not to settle for anything less than the best!! I have had a wonderful sponsor who has walked through the last 17 months holding my hand each step of the way teaching me how to live a sober life. I consider her a gift from God!! If only I had known years ago the rewards I would be given when I got sober. But I just wasn’t ready and you have to want sobriety for yourself and nobody else. If you do it for someone else then eventually you will fail and go right back to your old routine. I am so thankful for my life in sobriety, for my family and friends who have supported 100% of the way. And most of all, I am thankful for God and for the greatest gift God has ever given me which is my little man Mason. I am so glad I got sober while he was young so that he can grow up with a good mother in his life, which is exactly what he will have! He will have all of me for the rest of his life!! He deserves more than even I could ever give him, but as long as I’m sober I can give him everything that he needs! Life is wonderful, thank you for all my blessings!

Halloween 2009

2009-12-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

My little SKELETON!!

Kiara's 6th B-Day

2009-10-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

Mason trying to get the pinata:
Just sweet Mason:

Baby Sydnee:

Baby Miley:

Baby Kenlee:

Birthday Girl Kiara:

Mike's cousins little girl celebrated her 6th birthday!! Happy Birthday Kiara. They had a cute magic show and Mason was the spotlight of the party. He kept interrupting the magician!! ha ha, welcome to being 3. He didn't even care to see the bird's that the magician had!! What is wrong with my 3 year old? I think he has a little OCD and doesn't like touching dirty animals!!

Camping Sept. 09

2009-10-02T15:21:00.001-07:00

Roasting his first marshmellow ever!! Trailer park child in a diaper!! ha ha...sorry he wanted his clothes off:

Sure needs a haircut, but still a doll:

My beautiful boy:

Mason n' Mamma:

Okay so we only got ONE camping trip in this summer! And we only got to stay one night. Mason loved seeing the water at East Canyon but he's definitely not a camper...yet!! The first night he begged to go home. He claimed he was hungry as if we didn't have enough food there to feed him. Ha ha. Needless to say he got his food the first night along with his favorite movie, so he was good to go!! But on Saturday Mike got pretty sick and couldn't breathe very good so about 5 o'clock Saturday evening we packed up and left. We didn't want his asthma to kick up any harder and end up in the ER!! I was sad we didn't get to stay but Mason had a good time Friday night and Saturday day. All I can say is that at least we got one night in camping all summer!! I had wanted a s'more for the last 2 years and finally I got it!!

Gina's 30th B-Day Dinner

2009-09-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

A long over due get together with the girl's for Gina's 30th B-day!! It was yummy food and good chatting. I have missed my girl's so much!! I love you all tons and tons. Thanks for a good night!!

Sister I never had...

2009-09-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

I just had to write this out...Biologically I have a half sister. When people would ask me while growing up how many brothers and sisters I had, I would always say I have 3 brothers. I never really spoke of my sister unless I got technical. We have a huge age gap, she's 47 and I'm 29. We never had a relationship. She excluded herself from our family. She'd act like she cared about us when anything "bad" would happen in the family and then she'd fade away again. Part of me has always been a little resentful of her. I didn't like the way she treated my dad and I never understood why she wanted nothing to do with us. I probably never will understand but today I don't need to understand anymore! I have someone in my life who is the sister I never had. I met her when I was 12 and instantly we bonded. We have been inseparable ever since! She hadn't been to Utah in 7 years until this last year...she's made 3 trips and it's been fabulous! I've actually been lucky enough to make it to Arizona to see her a few times over the last few years and hope to make another trip soon! In any case, I just wanted to say how much I love you Tiffiney. You are the sister that I never had and I cherish our friendship!

Mamma n' Mason

2009-08-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

Passed out on our drive up the canyon:

Kenlee's 2nd B-Day

2009-08-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

After the party - silly Mason: Takes pictures like mom and dad = eyes closed:

Beautiful blue eyes:

Forgot the swim suit!!

Picking his teeth already?:

Mike's cousin Tony & Jilaun's baby girl Kenlee turned 2 this summer! Wow time flies! She is such a shy sweet little girl. I wish she'd let me just squeeze her to death but she is way too shy to even let me hold her! Mason loves Kiara and Kenlee. For now these are the only cousins he has on Mike's side...sweetest little girls!

Random outings!!

2009-08-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

Here is me and my old groupies! Erika, Ruthanne and Kelli…I sure miss working with these girls! We always made work a blast. I used to be able to go to work and vent to each and every one of them. They were my vaults!! I love you girls!! Don’t I look like I could be one of their kids? Ha ha!! Cute little Luke is Ruthanne’s true blessing! Such a beautiful little man. Good job RAZ!

First you get to see that my friend Tiffiney came in town from Arizona and got to meet Mason for the first time ever!! She has been my best friend since I was 12 years old. She is like a sister to me! The only sister I have ever had because my real one doesn't count!! Eat that Angie...

4th of July

2009-08-18T14:48:00.000-07:00

On the 4th of July we got up early and headed out to the parade. Needless to say, Mason was CRANKY! He’s not a morning person or a very pleasant person when he wakes up. We got to the parade and he liked for about 5 minutes. He loved trying to get the candy however all the “STINGY” big kids kept getting in his way so Mommy took over and started stealing the candy. I mean, what is wrong with parents now days and their kids having no manners? Irritating! After the parade we headed to breakfast at IHOP where cranky pants Mason continued to be cranky!! I tried CREPES for the FIRST time in my life. Can you believe that?? And they were yummy!!

Later that night we lit off a box of EXPENSIVE and non-exciting fireworks but Mason sure liked them!! It was so nice to be home for the 4th of July as we all know I was on lock down last year over the 4th of July so I had to miss out on spending the day with Mason and the family. So I was so grateful just to be with my family on the holiday!! But let me also say how grateful that I was where I was over the 4th of July last year, it truly saved my life!! GO SUMMIT!

Mason's 3rd B-Day

2009-08-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that my little guy is 3 years old!! He has grown up way too fast. He has hit those terrible 3's and is constantly testing my patience, but I wouldn't trade a minute with my man for anything in this world. He has been the greatest gift that we could ever ask for!! He had a wonderful 3rd b-day party that his Aunt Queenie and Grandma put it together for him. It was a small party with family and friends spent at the park eating good food, cake and playing a few games. Mason loved it!! He even got a transformer's cake made special by Grandma!! He loves Bumble Bee and Optimus Prime...trust me, we watch it at least 5 times a week!! Thanks to everyone who came!!

A Day at the Cabin!

2009-08-18T13:54:00.001-07:00

The view:

3 Amigos:

I got the pleasure of spending the night up at my sponsors cabin(any questions on what a sponsor is, please ask). It was my sponsor Teresa, our friend Lori and I. We spent the night watching re-runs of the office, movies, eating lots of candy along with a great dinner cooked by Teresa. On Sunday morning we all got up, hung out on the deck, enjoyed the scenery, ate breakfast and read our recovery morning meditations! It was a wonderful time spent with two of the most beautiful women I have ever met!! Teresa has been my savior over the last year. She is my ROCK!! Without her I would never have SOBRIETY!! She is literally a God given gift and I thank my lucky stars to have her in my life! And her husband who is my wonderful Doctor and keeps my “ass” in check! Love you guys!

BELATED BLOGS!! Start with Mother's Day!!

2009-08-18T13:02:00.001-07:00

Mason & Uncle Justin:

M n' my beautiful niece:

The 3 Terror grandkids:

Group:

Yes, I know my blog is very behind!! So we’ll start with Mother’s Day. It was a good but yet awkward day. Mike and I were technically still separated so it felt weird spending mother’s day apart. However I took Mason to see my mom where he got to play with my nephews and my great niece. I got to spend quality time with Mason, my nephews, my brother Justin, my niece Jamie and of course my Mom. So all in all it was a wonderful mother’s day!

Update

2009-08-12T14:34:00.001-07:00

Okay, I totally intend to update my blog this week!! It is my goal...

March 2009

2009-03-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

Well it seems that things are settling well for our family. Mike and I are still separated however it is working out well trading off with Mason every other day!! But oh how I miss him the nights that I don't have him. He's been a wild man lately. His personality is hilarious. His sentences are getting better and better however there is still a lot of jibberish!! So far I don't think he understands what is going on which is a very good thing. I had hoped that this wouldn't take a toll on him and so far it hasn't. He is still young enough that he doesn't understand. I want nothing but the best for Mason so we put him first!! No matter what happens between Mike and I, we will always do what is best for Mason. As for me I have been crazy busy between work, Mason & burying myself in my meetings that I attend to better myself. ;) It's amazing that at 29 years old I am finally finding myself again. It seems that I had lost myself somewhere along the way...almost as if I stopped maturing but I had all the responsibilites of an adult. If that makes any sense at all!! Here's some cute pictures of Mason being wild like always...He loves to pretend he's a cat or a dog!!

GOING PRIVATE!

2009-03-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

I am going to be going private...please leave me your email address so that I can add you if you want to read!! Thanks everyone!!

Small update...

2009-03-10T11:44:00.001-07:00

Well recently I have had some life changing events which includes a “trial” separation from Mike…I didn’t want to announce it to the world but it seems it gets around faster than I thought it would. All in all it is going very well. We have decided to keep Mason in his routine so we trade off every other night with one of us at home. It’s a little insane but it’s working out!! Other than that Mason is growing bigger everyday. His personality is coming out so much more lately. And he’s growing up WAY TOO fast! It makes me so sad. I want him to be a baby forever! I’ve never just let him go play outside by himself when we are at my brothers. Given he is out playing with my nephews however one nephew is an angel and the other is a “spawn”!! So luckily my angel nephew Kaden is old enough to watch Mason for me and report when the “spawn” Karson is trying to get Mason to do something he is not big enough to do yet. But of course I still have to have my eye on him 24/7. We really got lucky with Mason. He is such a good kid…needy like every other kid & has major temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. But he’s a 2 ½ year old with his mother’s temper!! I take all the blame!! I throw tantrums when I don’t get my way and I’m a grown 29 year old. He is truly a blessing & he is what keeps me trucking on everyday in my crazy life!! He is my whole entire life & I can’t wait to go home & snuggle with him tonight!!

I suck...

2009-02-18T11:47:00.000-08:00

Okay so I suck at keeping up and ony seem to write when I am angry so I will try to change that however NOTHING eventful has been happening...just the normal stress of life. Ha ha, welcome to hell. Mason has been a character lately. His new saying is "cha cha cha, shake your booty". It is the funniest thing ever. He has also named himself "chicken little". So of course he got the chicken little movie for valentines!! He has now developed the habit of sleeping in our MINI queen bed which has caused me to have sleep deprivation. I am already narcoleptic so this has really caused some serious problems in my functioning!! And lucky for Mason our bed basically sits on the floor so every night when he falls off he doesn't have far to fall. Ha ha!!

Yesterday I got the pleasure of watching my friend Lindsay get her ultrasound to find out what the sex of her baby is!! OMG, I forgot how amazing it is to see a little one growing inside of someone. You could see her cute little legs just moving around like crazy. It makes me so baby hungry...but then I think of those long 9 months of heartburn...ugh...I wish that I was ready for another but I'm definitley not. I don't have enough time in our crazy lives right now to take care of anymore children!! I already have to take care of a 2/2 year old and a 36 year old, plus myself...oh and my 3 crazy animals that are all up for trade at this point. ha ha.

Too hard for two blogs...venting begins today

2009-01-29T14:45:00.000-08:00

Weeding the bad people out of your life can be so hard. I have so many people that need to be weeded out of my life and yet I don't have the guts to do it. I can't take the pain that these people cause in my life anymore. How do you find the courage to let these people go? I keep setting my expectations too high of these people and they continue to let me down. I realize that it is my expectations that are letting me down but I put these people on a pedastal and I guess NO human belongs on a pedastal. I want to trust people again but as soon as I begin to trust, my trust is broken again by someone!

Dinner with the girls!

2009-01-24T13:23:00.000-08:00

Finally we had a girl's dinner that was long over due!! We went and had some yummy food at the porcupine and attempted to catch up on each others lives in the noisy restaurant. It was so good to see all my girl's! We definitely need to stop letting so much time pass before we make dinner dates.

Passed out!

2009-01-15T14:17:00.000-08:00

The other morning when I got out of bed Mason had snuck into our bed like he always does. So I took my tired butt to the shower to wake up & get ready for work. When I got out of the shower & came to the bedroom I noticed Mason was gone...hmmm, the house was dark so I had no idea where he could of gone. For a moment there a huge panick came over me as I was yelling his name and he wasn't answering....until I turned on the lights...there he was in his doorway asleep. I guess he couldn't quite make it back to his own bed or back to Mommy's bed either! A beautiful sleepy boy...

Jungle Jim's GHETTO Playland

2009-01-15T14:13:00.000-08:00

Mommy, Mason & Hayley: Mommy, Mason & Hayley - Mommy getting sick!

Mommy & Mason stuck in a car!

Cousin Karson:

Birthday Boy Cousin Kaden:

For my nephews 7th birthday party we went to Jungle Jim’s Playland…Ghetto Jungle Jim’s Playland!! Okay Jungle Jim’s was my first job back in like 1996 with Brandy & Heidi Jo!! I hated that place and guess what? It hasn’t changed one bit in 12 years. However as disgusting as it was Mason had a blast riding on all the rides! He was a trooper and wasn’t scared a bit. Probably for the fact that him mommy is small enough so she had to ride all of the rides with him. Hopefully he grows up to like rides unlike his WUSS of a mother. I HATE rides! And the older I get the worse my fear is of them. I know that I am getting old when rides at Jungle Jim’s Playland make me sick! I couldn’t stand going round and round but I stuck it out just for Mason’s sake!!

Christmas!

2009-01-08T15:27:00.000-08:00

We had a fabulous Christmas! There isn't much to write home about. Mason was a total trooper and survived almost the whole day without a temper tantrum! He didn't quite get the fact that he was supposed to open his presents but he still had a blast hanging out with the family & getting new toys. He's the sweetest 2 1/2 year old I know(when he's not hitting or kicking me)!

Personal Blog!!

2009-01-02T08:43:00.001-08:00

http://bitsyboo25.blogspot.com/

As I said before I decided to keep my blogs separate! One about our family & one for my own PERSONAL HEALTHY VENTING!!

It's HERE!

2008-12-24T10:39:00.001-08:00

I can’t believe that Christmas is already here! It feels like summer was just yesterday! Time has gone by way too fast. This year money has been so tight as it is for everyone at this time of year so it’s been a little hard for me to look forward to Christmas. Of course I have been excited for Mason because he finally understands Christmas a little bit. Ever since Christmas tree’s starting going up all he says is “ho ho ho”. He can’t stop saying “ho ho ho”. He has to touch our blow up snow man every night that we come home and give him a kiss. When we were leaving our house the other day he said “bye ho ho….pause….and friends”. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard! He is the cutest kid I’ve ever known…Biased I know but that’s because he is mine! Last night proved what a spoiled child I have!! I took him over to my boss’s to get his Christmas present from them. He is really into planes and they have them all over their house so of course that is what they got him. He was so excited to see his gift and to play with it. However he was not excited to share it with anyone, including her husband!! Her husband was trying to play with him & he was not willing to let him play too. We have got to keep him interacting with other kids! If he isn’t even willing to let an adult play with his toys then he will never share his toys with another child. He kept telling her husband to go sit in his chair! Then when he wouldn’t he laid on the ground kicking & screaming! I tried putting him in time out, telling him that Santa wouldn’t come but he didn’t care one bit. It went in one ear and out the other. It’s funny how our kids can totally embarrass at the times when things are supposed to be special. It’s just a good thing that it was at their house and not some strangers. They love him to death regardless but they have NEVER seen him act like that. Let’s hope tomorrow when he wakes up and Santa has been there he doesn’t act like the cute spoiled brat that he is!

PicTure day!

2008-12-08T14:12:00.001-08:00

ThAnKsGiViNg 2008

2008-11-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well Thanksgiving went rather well considering all the running around we had to do & Mason was a trooper. We started out the day at my brothers. We didn't get to eat with them but I did get to see my Aunt & cousin that I haven't seen in 3 years. It's my dad's only sister! Then I got to briefly see my Uncle as well. It was really good to see them. It reminded me that I need to start keeping in touch with them. I've always feared people but I'm an adult now & they are my family!! Mason got to play with his cousins, Kaden & Karson. He had so much fun. There is a year between him & Karson but finally they are getting older so they are understanding each other a little bit more. It was tender to watch them play together. Then we headed off to Mike's moms and ate some yummy turkey of course!! After that I headed over to a friends, my new adoptive moms with Mason. We visited with all their family & again Mason got to play. He loves going over there! He is obsessed with all the planes in their house because her husband is retired military so they got him some planes to play with. Amazing what a little plane can do for a child. He was in heaven! I'm so lucky to have their family in my life & take me on as an adoptee. I've always needed a mother figure in my life & now I have got one!! YAY! Sorry, no pictures were taken as Mike forgot the camera!!

Just an F.Y.I....

2008-11-26T10:44:00.000-08:00

To the right you can see that I have added a separate blog site for myself. This is my venting blog for myself as I'd like to keep this one about our family & Mason!! I'll be keeping the other private so if you want to be added just let me know! Love ya all...

I'm still slightly alive

2008-11-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

So I have been doing a lot of ranting on my blog lately! It probably sounds as if I’m going insane however I’m only slightly insane at this point! I don’t want to alarm anyone however blogging gives me a way to vent & a way to get some good feedback. I’m definitely having a midlife crisis but I’m going to make it through this! With lots of prayers & support! Thank you ALL for ALL your support. It really means a lot to me. It is what helps me go on another day…I will make it through this tough time in my life!! Thank you to EVERYONE!!

I AM DONE!!

2008-11-12T11:24:00.000-08:00

Frustration, frustration, frustration! For years I’ve asked myself why I rely on people so much & trust that what they say they are going to do they will do? At my ripe age of 28, I should have learned NOT to count on people because usually they only let me down. Maybe my expectations are too high but I don't see that I expect too much. Just a little courtesy would be nice. They say they will call but they never call, they say they will see you soon but they never do, they claim that things are fine but things are NOT fine! I ALWAYS set myself up to always be let down. I shouldn’t expect things just because people promise them. In this difficult situation a person in my life who I consider a teacher, an inspiration & a true friend has let me down AGAIN. This has continually happened throughout our friendship so why do I even try to stay friends with this person? Because I am so DAMN insecure I think I need this person in my life when obviously I don’t because they only cause me pain & anger. Why do I find it okay to put myself in hurtful friendships? It’s NOT okay! Ugh…I’m letting go of this person. I don’t need them in my life. I am a good person & I deserve to be treated with RESPECT!

Help me...

2008-11-06T15:01:00.001-08:00

Lord I want to love you, yet I’m not sure.
I want to trust you, yet I’m afraid of being taken in.
I know I need you, but I’m ashamed of the need,
I want to pray, but I’m afraid of being a hypocrite.
I need my independence, yet I fear to be alone.
I want to belong, yet I must be myself.
Take me, Lord, yet leave me alone.
Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief.
O, Lord, if you are there, you do understand, don’t you?
Give me what I need, but leave me free to choose.
Help me work it out my own way, but don’t let me go.
Let me understand myself, but don’t let me despair.
Come unto me, O Lord, I want you there.
Lighten my darkness, but don’t dazzle me.
Help me to see what I need to do, and give me
The strength to do it.O Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief

Summer Vacation!

2008-11-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

As some of you know I had a little of a summer vacation! Ok, I wouldn't call it a vacation but it was a great oppurtunity to get to know myself. I spent some time at a beautiful cabin in the mountains & with absolutely beautiful people that taught me more than I ever thought I could learn! I made wonderful friends, friends that will last a lifetime! They are like family now to me & I love each & every one of them!! We even did some fishing & the lakes were BEAUTIFUL! Here's just a few pictures from my vacation.

HaLlOwEen 2008

2008-11-04T07:48:00.001-08:00

Well Halloween wasn't quite what we would have expected!! Mason decided that he didn't need a nap that day so by the time we tried to take him trick or treating, he chose to throw a tantrum instead of trick or treat!! The whole neighborhood could hear him screaming. He wanted to just go in people's yards & kiss all their decorations instead of get candy. As you can see by his poor face, he looks tortured!! But he was a good sport & loved his monkey costume but he just didn't want to do the dirty work to get his candy...

GIVE IT BACK

2008-10-31T13:09:00.000-07:00

You consume my life,
My every thought,
My every move,
Why are you doing this?
You have nothing to prove-
You have only proved you can
Steal someone’s soul-
You have left me empty,
You have left me with nothing but a hole-
A hole in my heart-
A hole in my mind-
I thought you were the friend
I needed to find-
You betrayed me, you took
The best of me-
Now I want it back,
I want to be free-
Free of your confusion,
Free of your hurt-
Free of your control-
Damn it, I’m begging you please
Give me back my soul-

Numb....

2008-10-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

I can't understand the facts of life that are laid so perfectly in front of me. I'm contanstly fighting the battle & trying to control things in my life that are NOT controllable. I'm forgetting to turn them over to a power greater than myself. That power is who I choose to call God. Why can't I understand that if I just turn my self will & life over to him, he will do what's right for me. It's such an easy concept but yet so hard to do. I cannot control people, places or things but yet I still continue to try. Dwelling on the person, situation or place instead of just controlling my feelings & changing the way I'm thinking about the situation. UGH, so frustrating! I just want to let it all go. Turn my burdens over to something greater than myself so that I don't have to carry all the weight alone. I've carried my weight alone for way too long so "just for today" I will trust in God to do what's right for me & not my self will...

Another day in the fast lane...

2008-10-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

Currently I’m living a life in the fast lane & forgetting to live in the moment & appreciate what’s going on around me right now, so my prayer of the day hit me hard. I can’t slow down for a minute. My mind feels it needs to stay busy all the time & considering what I’m going through right now, staying busy is all that’s keeping me from insanity. And of course Mason keeps me sane! He reminds me everyday of what I am living for since so often I forget what my purpose is here on earth. He is my life…I’m so thankful God trusted me enough with one of his children to raise…he is my child as much as he is a child of God. Okay, before I get all spiritual, here it is:

Lord, slow me down.
Ease the pounding of my heart by quieting my mind.
Steady my hurried pace. Give me, in the confusion of my day,
The calmness of everlasting hills. Break the tension of my nerves
And muscles. Help me to know the magical, restoring power of sleep.
Teach me to take minutes vacations by slowing down to look at
A flower or a could, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog , to read
A few lines from a good book. Remind me that the race is not
Always to the swift, that there is more to life than increasing speed.

Let me look upward into the branches of the towering oak and
Know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well.

Lord, slow me down. Inspire me to send my roots deep into the soul
Of life’s enduring values that I may grow toward the starts of my great destiny!!

A little uplifting...

2008-09-17T08:50:00.001-07:00

EVERY DAY I READ A PRAYER FROM A PRAYER BOOK SO TODAY I THOUGHT I’D SHARE SINCE I HAVEN’T BLOGGED LATELY!!

Teach me, God, so that I might know
The way to change and the way to grow.
Give me the words to ask you how
To handle the here and live in the now.
Tempt me not with the valleys of death,
Give me freedom from fear in every breath.
And though mistakes I make in my daily life,
Deliver from aiding strife.
Understand me, God, as I am no
And show me the furrows I need to plow
To reach my goal as a ripening food,
So I might feed others all that is good.
Fill me with energy known as the Power,
Until I come to rest at the midnight hour.

Playday at Rob's!!

2008-08-28T14:32:00.000-07:00

Mamma n' Mason, My lil' swimmer boy eating chips in the pool & Mr. Chocolate face all in one day!

Mason's a Dog

2008-08-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Mason has a new obsession with our dog's cage! So he's officially our new pet...however yesterday he decided to get in there with the dog while her food was in there....NOT A GOOD IDEA. She is territorial about her food so needless to say Freckles bit his poor little hand. Lucky for us there was barely a mark. ;)

THE BALLOON FESTIVAL!!

2008-08-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well Saturday night we spent the night at the balloon festival! We headed up to Eden with Jan & Jeff(Mason's best friend). Mason had been cranky ALL day long, literally throwing tantrum after trantrum so we figured he was going to be a real "treat" up at the festival but we took our chances anyway! Once we go there was ate some dinner while Mason continued his tantrums however we just ignored him & Jeff started to FULLY entertain him & he calmed down...his butt should've napped like I told him to but he was NOT willing to take a nap. Anyway, they ended up cancelling the launch of the balloons due to the wind but they did blow them up & light them up. They were extremely cool to watch light up. I wish the darker balloons would've been as cool as the lighter ones! Needless to say Mason loved watching them light up & he never would've known the difference in them launching or lighting up! It was a great night out with Jan & Jeff. Mason loves them to death!! So another wonderful summer night...

Visiting Grandpa & Uncle Brant

2008-08-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Well on Sunday I decided it was time to take Mason to visit Grandpa & Uncle Brant. Of course we had to visit them in the ground but having somewhere to visit them at all means the world to me. I haven’t visited in a VERY LONG time but I used to spend so much time there just talking to them. Mason doesn’t quite understand what a Grandpa is yet nor is he even close to knowing why he doesn’t have one on either side of his family but as soon as he is old enough I will explain it all to him. So we sat at the cemetery while Mason ate his lunch and he even tried to give his toy to Grandpa & Uncle Brant. It was the cutest thing ever. He also danced around on their headstone! Ha ha! As we started to leave he looked over at the tree that we planted when my brother died & said bye as he was waving. It makes me so sad that he never had the chance to meet my brother and my Dad but I will tell him all the stories about how crazy they were, how loving they both were and all the good memories I have of them. He will know who Grandpa & Uncle Brant is(was).

A day on the Front Runner & to Gateway

2008-08-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

What a great Saturday...we decided to take Mason on the Front Runner to gateway since he loves trains so much...we had the pleasure of going with my boss & her husband. When we first got on the train Mason was extremely nervous but he put on a brave face. He actually wanted nothing to do with Mom & Dad, he just wanted Jeff & Jan. So he spent the train ride there clenched to Jan & watchin gout the window. When we got to gateway we walked a bit & then took Mason to run through the water. He was HILARIOUS! Of course he was a bit aprehensive at first considering he couldn't figure out where the water was coming from & it scared him a bit but once he figured it out he was having a ball. I have offically diagonsed him with OCD. Before going into the water I just put on his swim suit over a regular diaper, however he was having none of that. He knew something was wrong & wanted his Lil' Swimmer diaper on immediately or he was NOT going in the water. After playing in the water we headed back to the train where him & his new best friend Jeff played like 2 year olds but Jeff of course isn't 2. ;) Mason was completely worn out but he never shut down the whole train ride home thanks to Jeff. Once we got home to our station it was off to Jeff & Jan's for some grubbin'. Mason immediately fell asleep in the car. Once we got back to Jeff & Jan's we let him sleep on the floor while we prepared to eat...eventually he woke up & immediately wanted his new best friend. He only wanted Jeff to feed him his hot dog & his hot dog bun!! I've officially made Jan & Jeff adopt me as a new child so along with the package comes their new adopted Grandson...whether they like it or not, so Mason has a permanent playmate, Jeff...and since one of his Grandpa's is in heaven & the other is non-existent, he now has one he can claim if he'd like!! Thank you Jeff & Jan for a wonderful day & loving Mason ALL DAY LONG!

Kenlee's 1st B-Day

2008-08-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

Well Mason's cousin Kenlee has now just turned one! It was a great day spent with our family! Mason & cousin Kiara played in the pool...Mason still hates getting his face wet...we had to help him down the slide as he can't do it alone yet but he sure thinks he can!! Soon enough he'll be able to do it all alone...he's growing up way too fast!

HAIR HELP!

2008-08-01T14:00:00.001-07:00

Ok, I need some serious help here…do I cut my hair? Do I keep it long? Do I keep it brown with highlights? Do I dye it all brown or dye it all blonde? HELP ME! I tried to pick pictures of all short & long lengths I've had along with blonde & brown….so piece them together and HELP!

Big man becomes a baby again!

2008-07-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Mason decided to climb in his swing & baby car seat today today while I was cleaning his room. Not too long ago he was just a tiny little baby in there swinging...I think I'm BABY HUNGRY!! All he could say was "baby, baby". He thinks that he is NO longer a baby anymore but little does he know that he is only 2 and he is still my baby!! Everytime we're in a store now and a little kid cries that is only his age he'll point and again say "baby"! The last month he has began talking so much more. His words are getting much clearer however he still has a long way to go. I don't want him to grow up. I remember wanting him to crawl, then for him to walk and now I wish I hadn't wanted it so bad. I could wait forever for those things! Anyway, here's some pictures of my BIG BABY!

Long, long...wonderful day!!

2008-06-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

So today was an extremely long & hot day full of events!! We woke up, headed to drop Mason off at Grandma's then off to Lagoon for my work party. We got to Lagoon a bit before the party started so we hit the wild mouse!! Then the party started at 1 & got done around 2:30. It was nice & fun however I sure wanted to win an awesome prize...they gave away TV's, playstation's & lots of good things. But I wasn't so lucky this year!! Then it was off to the land of Lagoon...ugh it was so hot. Mike, my boss, her hubby, another co-worker & her hubby hit the rides. In over 2 hours we were only able to hit rattlesnake rapids, the wild mouse & the colasses!! It was a ton of fun...I GOT SOAKED, SOAKED, SOAKED on rattlesnake rapids but loved every minute of it. Then it was off to SLC for a friends Graduation BBQ. Congrats 2 my two of my bestest friends on your college graduation!! We all got to sit & visit, eat again & visit some more. I was in Heaven all day. Mike and I had a great day together!! We definitely needed it. I felt we bonded since we get minimal time alone & I was so happy to see all my girls!!! On the down side, I missed my Mas man like crazy! I was so happy to see his cute little but when we picked him up!! He's the best little man in the whole world!!

The Accident!

2008-06-20T08:25:00.001-07:00

So last night Mike & I had just gotten done eating some pizza. We were getting ready for bed & I had this crazy craving for some good ol’ watermelon. Well about 2 days ago I got a new knife set in the mail from ABC Distributing. If anyone knows this company, some things you get are worth the money & others are totally not. Well when the knife set came, Mike laughed & said “ha ha, I bet those are going to be sharp knives”, so I replied “well they’ve got to be better than what we have now”. So downstairs I go to get me some yummy watermelon with the biggest knife in the bunch…all the sudden…OOPS, there goes a slice of my thumb. The damage looked pretty small however the blood was GUSHING! I begged Mike to just tape it up but he wouldn’t. So we had to go in, wake up POOR little Mason & come back to my work…Ogden Regional Emergency Room. 3 WHOLE stitches later & I was good as new. I asked the Dr. for a note to have a day off but of course he just laughed & said “nice try’!! Then I also tried to get the Dr. to tell Mike we could’ve just taped it…again he laughed & said “you definitely could have taped it however this one did need stitches”. I hate when he proves me wrong & he’s right!!!

Don’t worry, I’ll take a better picture later!!

A little reflection!!

2008-06-19T10:33:00.001-07:00

So over the last year I’ve taken the initiative to contact a few old friends who have never left my mind over the years. I knew that if I didn’t find them, contact them & maybe get some closure it was never going to stop bugging me. I knew that there was something missing within myself. Now I have found it…closure!!

I recently had a friend email regarding a note she wrote me when we were in 6th grade. I couldn’t believe she remembered writing me a letter that had hurt me when we were little but I’m so thankful that we got to talk to each other about it. As kids we never think about what we may do to one another as we are KIDS & we do things without knowing the impact we may have on another. I have complete forgiveness for the things that we did to each other as kids and she was a great friend. I hope that we have a chance to get to know each other again, as individuals. I do admit I feel horrible that she still remembered the hurtful things we may have done to one another & she has so much integrity to tell me she was sorry for something that happened so many years ago…so that is a door that we can close & move on as adults!!

We have so many memories that I have never forgotten…so many times playing at my house & doing the craziest things. All the sleepovers that we had at her house & mine…she always made me cheese bread…cheese bread is bread toasted in the oven with some cheese!! LOL. We’d jump on her tramp all the time, play in her basement where all the toys were…she’s always been a fabulous person & I’m excited we found each other again!

Thank you to my new gained friend!!

Pool Time!!

2008-06-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

DUNKING IT!!

So Mason LOVED his goofy little pool that I bought him, however he's just like his Mom...the cold water can't touch him & there's NO going under water. It would scare the crap out of him everytime he went under going down the slide. We need to get him into swimming lessons but due to all the stuff going on in pools, Daddy won't let him take any lessons until next year!!

The Bee's Game!

2008-06-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

So it had been a long time since I’d been able to see all my girl’s!! Finally we all got together for a Bee’s game however we were missing Heidi & Marianne. It was a blast. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t seen most of them since February. We used to never go longer than a month in between trying to do dinner or something. It’s crazy being that the older we are getting the harder it is to get together. But needless to say it was a blast & I was so happy to see them all. I don’t think I saw one bit of the game as we were too busy chatting as that is what us women are good at. Now it’s time for summer & we can start our BBQ’ing & work on getting together more! I’m excited and hopeful for an awesome summer.

Father's Day

2008-06-16T09:02:00.001-07:00

THIS WAS THE LAST PICTURE I GOT FROM MY DAD...A YEAR & A HALF BEFORE HE PASSED!! THIS IS WHAT HE WROTE ON BACK. LET ME REMIND YOU THAT HE COULDN'T SPELL...HA HA, SEE HOW MUCH THE FISH WAYS?? LOVE YOU DAD!

Wow, so maybe I’m getting the hang of this whole blogging thing. I’m a total myspace geek, so when it comes to figuring out this blogger it’s a whole new world. Father’s Day has came & went & now it’s the beginning of another week. Father’s Day was great at the Merrill household. We put up Mason’s pool & spent the day outside letting him play in it. We had Mike’s mom, sister & her boyfriend over for a BBQ. It was a blast. My mom & her boyfriend also came to visit us on Saturday which is a very rare occasion!! They NEVER travel to Roy!! Mason was in heaven having company over all weekend.

On the other hand Father’s Day is always very emotional for me. My dad left us on July 3, 2000 in a tragic accident. On July 3, 2000 he left fishing up in Northern, CA, just like he always did. He went alone because that's just the way my dad liked it. So on the 4th of July I called looking for my dad & my grandma said he didn't come home the night before however that wasn't unusual so I just said to have him call me when he made it home. Well we got the call that night…he had fallen out of the boat & drowned. He had even bought a life jacket the morning he left fishing but he wasn't wearing it. He was all about safety, but he refused to EVER wear a jacket. His life was ended way too short. So here’s HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to the sweetest pappa in the world. Keep on fishing Daddy…Be sure to let Brant catch some too!! Love you both so much! And remember, not a day goes by that I don't think of you both & miss you more & more!!

Mason Showing Off!

2008-06-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

JUST MASON SHOWING OFF!!

The Beginning....

2008-06-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

So I've already gave some information about our family however it started in 2002. I met my wonderful husband Mike. We met through a mutual friend & it was meant to be. I never knew at the beginning but I knew the day I decided to marry him!! We bought our house in 2003 in Roy, UT and got married 2004. What a wonderful day!! So many friends & family attended our wedding at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. It was AMAZING!! I know, you hear "Las Vegas" & think of another Vegas wedding but that's NOT the way we did it. We did it the way we wanted with all of our family & friends. We wanted to do it in our style & Vegas is our style!! We have just hit our 4 year Anniversary & it's amazing...now we have our beautiful son Mason...